Don't you wish to change your life a bit?

Seriously, I’m impressed about other peoples’ ability to be creative, stylish, cool, to be talented in sports, cooking or any other activity. I still can’t understand why and how my old fellows are getting married!? Can’t believe that I have to live on my own, look after personal savings, and soon will have to take care of my parents… Kids! They are everywhere! Small, cute, bigger and smaller. How come I don’t have any of them?

What was I thinking about in last 25 years of my life? Why do I feel like I’m behind the time?

Actually, who said that I’m behind the time? The fact that I don’t have girlfriend (I hate this word) means that something wrong with me..? During last few years my heart is open more than ever. I’m more and more keen to go for risk and fell in love with somebody.

Only recently I managed stop stressing about it and let things go. Who knows… maybe after 35 years from now I will look back and mile at myself being independent, free, a bit wild, risky sometimes and childish... That could be a dream of most of old people, isn’t?

Money! God, they are so beautiful, sexy and seductive. They are so powerful, influencing and addictive! I wish my soul could escape from this curse… You know… I went to India for 2 weeks. I saw many people… differently from Pakistan I met there more people happy, but without money.
No, I haven’t spoken to them. Didn’t say hi or didn’t give a single penny. But I saw in their eyes the inner peace. It used to be damn hot outside, dirty, noisy all around you… but this poor man is sitting in the shadow surrounded with serenity. Looking at him you start realizing that all the chaos around you is meaningless!
Aren’t you jealous? Look how busy you are. Check how little time you have every day… Our life looks so pathetic [sometimes].

I love strangers. All kind of strangers. Tall and small; with long hair and no hair at all; with accent and native speakers; poor and rich. And each time I meet one of them – I never ask their name, social status, title at work or where he/she is going or where she/he is coming from.
One smile, one small gesture ‘you go first’ means more than skype account or facebook name. It gives me more mystery. In such moments I love them for the moment I spent with them… don’t you think that a whole life is created of unlimited number of moments. How many of those moments do we remember. So that’s why I chose to enjoy those few moments with strangers in my life…

Everything around me is changing too fast. Faster than I can accept. The one thing which I can count on – is music. The music which I have for years. But all those years haven’t changed the mood they create… Music Gives You Love. Love the music.

P.S. sorry for random thoughts…

When the problems stays behind...

Play the soft music. Use your best headphones. Turn the volume up. Close your eyes and feel how your body lifts up above the bed.

Fly away from your room through the open window. Smell the freshness of the night and brighness of the star. Can you still hear the music? Excellent. Keep floating in the air till your problems appears behind.

Now. Start singing the song as it would be your magic mantra.



But! Be careful. Sunrise will come soon. You have to get back to your bed before the sun shine will kiss your eyes.
Good night!

31 days

What a life!

31 days have passed since I entered to Lithuanian territory. I was going back and playing imagination in my head how I will be meeting my old friends whom I didn't see for more than 2 years, I was dreaming about Lithuanian food and drinks, places I used to visit for daily bases, Lithuanian radio station and all other things which I have mentioned in my previous blog post.

When I met my old fallows, one of the biggest concerns they had about me was: "can you still drink?" Funny, isn't it? I can proudly say that I proved to them and most importantly to myself, that I didn't loose that skill (actually it is a bad, very bad habit). Since the first day at home till yesterday I consumed approximately 20 liters of beer and ~2.5 liters of vodka or similar hard liquor... Now I stopped. But didn't quite. I managed to catch up with most of my friends and finally I settled down.

Now I have another headache. Job hunting. I knew that it won't be easy and I was ready for that. Being in Lithuania I realized that the mindset of employers slightly have changed. When I'm talking to a potential employer I have feeling that they expect from me to make magic things: boost sales starting from the first week (if not - don't even think about bonuses, be glad if we won't fire you).

Rewards or salary. Everybody is aware of fucking crisis in the country and taxes which are raising along with summer heat in the air... But! The harder you work, the higher award you should get. Isn't fair enough? I'm not surprised why companies are complaining about difficulties to find "good" employees. My respond to that is simple: if you want to by winter shoes for USD $5 - be ready to buy another pair of shoes in beginning of the season, because only good quality shoes keeps comfort for more than 1 or 2 years. I sincerely believe that if employer gives me higher salary, I take it as trust in me and I the least what I would like to do is to disappoint him/her and loose position. But I guess it will take time till both sides (employees and employers) will find balance and the market should align labor costs... sooner or later.

And finally - my biggest personal challenge which I can not over come. I went to Pakistan for one and a half year to challenge my worldview, gain professional experience and be recognized for my achievements. Even though I got all those things (more or less) in Pakistan, I find it very hard to sell myself in Lithuania. One thing didn't change in me for sure - it is my natural modesty. Or should I call it as personal complexes..? This one and crucial challenge stops me from getting job of my dream. Most of job offers in Lithuania are either for sales executives (the lowest level) or the top management positions. I don't want to go for the first option after all I have went through being in Lithuania and abroad and I can't apply for the second option because I don't feel being an 'expert' in a specific field: marketing, PR, communication, production, sales, finance, etc.

...but I'm positive and I believe I will get what I deserved at the end of the day. I won't let pressure to keep control on me and won't go for the job offer which I don't like or don't feel like I can do it if all my heart.

Summer came. It should bring positive changes : )